


i promise to put it in writing

by yeeyee123



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Emo Hubert Rights, Ferdibert Week 2019, Hanahaki Disease, How is this not a tag already?, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Other, Pining, They love spilling tea together, Unrequited Love, We live for the drama, did I write this in character? who knows, no beta we die like Glenn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:48:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21643210
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeeyee123/pseuds/yeeyee123
Summary: In his weakest moments, where Hubert questioned if there truly was a goddess, he contemplated what his life would look like if his red-haired companion had chosen to stick with the corrupt archbishop.It may have caused the flowers taking root in his lungs to cease; but, now almost comforted by their neverending presence, Hubert wouldn’t wish it any other way. He’d rather they consume him whole than raise his unclean hands towards a man who deserved nothing but happiness.Something Hubert could never provide.Day 1 Ferdibert Week: Hanahaki Disease, Teatime
Relationships: Edelgard von Hresvelg & Hubert von Vestra, Ferdinand von Aegir & Hubert von Vestra, Ferdinand von Aegir/Hubert von Vestra
Comments: 16
Kudos: 152
Collections: Ferdibert Ship Week 2019





	i promise to put it in writing

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is meant for day one of Ferdibert Week, but I posted it a bit late - oh well. This is my first time ever posting fic, but I was extremely compelled to write for this prompt. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Update 2/04/20: Fixed certain wording issues that have been plaguing me every waking hour since I first posted this.
> 
> Update 5/16/20: After becoming more familiar with archive, I've altered a bit of the formatting.

As Hubert exited the advisory room following the tumultuous discovery of the professor, he felt a stirring in his lungs. Willing to indulge, he coughed into his handkerchief.

Though he now breathed easier, Hubert found little relief. One look at the bloody cloth, which now held two cyclamen petals, would explain to any sane person why.

With a bitter and resigned smile, Hubert continued his stroll.

He wished he could attribute this occurrence to his undying devotion to Edelgard; however, Hubert was anything but a fool. There was only one person who could single handedly and unknowingly cause his demise without even trying.

He’d always known that the path he and Edelgard had carved and chose to follow was stained with red; What he hadn’t calculated, however, was Ferdinand’s choice to walk adjacent. As such, Hubert hadn’t realized how much of the blood spilt would be a consequence of his weak heart.

In his weakest moments, where Hubert questioned if there truly was a goddess, he contemplated what his life would look like if his red-haired companion had chosen to stick with the corrupt archbishop.

It may have caused the flowers taking root in his lungs to cease; but, now almost comforted by their neverending presence, Hubert wouldn’t wish it any other way. He’d rather they consume him whole than raise his unclean hands towards a man who deserved nothing but happiness.

Something Hubert could never provide.

\- -

The day Hubert began to cough up petals, he was not in the least bit shocked. In all truth, he had been expecting them for quite some time. Life had never been kind to him, teaching him to always anticipate for the worst.

In his younger and more naive years, he believed it would be something in service to Edelgard, reflecting his devotion in his very last moment, that would kill him. He also thought he would never come to love another besides her.

He knew better now.

Ferdinand had been quite a nuisance in their academy days. He always knew exactly what to say to irritate Hubert, a feat that not many (if any) had accomplished to such a great degree. However, as they grew older, the young noble matured into a handsome man of strong character who always seemed to brighten Hubert’s day.

Slowly and surely, Ferdinand molded the dark mage’s perception of him into one worth trusting and confiding in.

This change largely drew from the frequent tea breaks they took together. The first time, it had been Ferdinand who’d suggested it, saying they needed to be amicable towards one another if they wanted to succeed as Edelgard’s advisors. Hubert had begrudgingly agreed, knowing that he was, in fact, correct.

He silently told himself that if the noble started lecturing him, he would swiftly leave.

His companion, however, surprised him. They spoke of future battle plans and maneuvers, knowing that even though they had already spent almost five years fighting, there was much more to come. Ferdinand did not speak of besting Edelgard, but rather supporting her in the best way he could; through hope and devotion.

This did terrible things to Hubert’s heart.

The second and third times followed a similar conversational trend. However, they also indulged in sharing pieces of their past, such as Ferdinand waxing poetic about various operas, (which, in Hubert’s view, was entirely more endearing than it should be), and Hubert’s trials with various hair styles.

Ferdinand almost fell on the floor laughing whilst imagining his older counterpart with maroon-tipped hair at age fifteen.

The fourth time they partook in tea together, Hubert was the one who suggested it. Ferdinand’s elated smile when Hubert invited him was entirely worth the small amount of discomfort found by Edelgard knowingly smirking at him across the war room. The last thing he wanted was for her to get involved in their discourse.

Whilst conversing, Hubert found himself often losing focus on the topic and instead focusing on the marvel of Ferdinand’s features. He was becoming a total sap, and for once, did not berate himself for it.

Instead, he was punished by a rough cough. He tried to clear his throat, but this proved futile. He then tasted blood in his mouth, and knew that he needed to cut their time short.

“Are you getting ill, Hubert? It is probably best that we retire for the day,” Ferdinand persuaded, but the concerned look on his face betrayed the facade of calm he was trying his best to exude.

“I would concede the same. Do your best to not cause havoc for everyone, alright?” They both knew, however, that Hubert’s jab was halfhearted. Ferdinand nodded, offering to help clean up, but Hubert waved him off.

Once Ferdinand exited the room, he spit out the material that had taken residence in his mouth. Seeing a petal, mind you, brought no shock, but caused him to consider what course of action to take going forward.

Telling Edelgard was out of the question - she required his full support and needn’t concern herself with this, something that would most likely distract her.

Informing a healer such as Linhardt, Mercedes, or Manuela was also not a plausible option, as they would definitely inform her of his condition.

And burdening the object of his affections was something he had no interest in. He did not wish to see a look of pity adorn Ferdinand’s wonderfully expressive face.

So he supposed that he must keep this to himself.

A small, bitter part of him was angry at the cavalier. Hubert still had things that needed to be accomplished, not limited to finishing this war and the one that would soon take place in the shadows. This disease could prevent him from all of that.

If only he could escape these feelings and continue forward, forgetting all about the long haired beauty that had seemed to consume both his heart and mind.

But the bigger part of him knew that there was no turning back.

\- -

Later that night, Hubert sat in the damaged cathedral, accompanied only by his thoughts.

He had always prided himself on his emotional objectivity, judging others based on their merits rather than his own personal bias. It seemed, however, that this aspect of his character was beginning to crumble, at least in regards to the object of his unruly affections. Hubert could no longer contain his heart’s desires completely to himself.

He had once expressed his appreciation for the noble’s optimism, and the praise had rocked the latter so much that he’d requested Hubert only communicate such things in writing.

Remembering this, he then decided to begin a secret project in earnest - a journal containing all of his thoughts in relation to Ferdinand that he could not say in person, lest Hubert horrify his audience.

Hubert was anything but a person who didn’t oblige in others’ requests.

( _Your concern for others is highly endearing,_ he wrote once he arrived inside his room and discovered an adequate journal. _Please stay true to yourself._

He then tucked it away under his pillow and went to sleep.)

\- -

Months after the first petal, the duration between episodes had greatly shortened, beginning to occur every few days.

Hubert was growing weaker, though he did his best not to show it. He told himself that he must see the war through.

The professor returned, and with her, brought new hope. A few days after her reintroduction, they set out to defeat a group of idiotic bandits that were encircling the monastery. Believing them to be insignificant whelps, Byleth suggested that only Ferdinand, Bernadetta, and Lysithea be dispatched. Though rumblings could be heard from Caspar and the like, everyone conceded that this was an effective course of action.

What had not been anticipated, however, was Ferdinand’s complete idiocy on the battlefield. During sunset, high-pitched shouts could be heard from the monastery gates, beckoning Hubert to them.

There, he found a horrific sight.

The two girls were dragging Lilith, Ferdinand’s high-maintenance horse, behind them. Their male companion was splayed unconscious on top, barely keeping upright. Upon closer inspection, an arrow could be seen sticking out of Ferdinand’s side. A wave of horror washed upon Hubert. He made eye contact with Bernadetta, who was clearly shaken by the situation.

“We didn’t want to take the arrow out and risk infection, and there weren’t any healers in our ranks! Hubert, please don’t kill me, help him,” she all but screamed.

The dark mage ignored the inappropriately timed portion of her comment. He instead commanded the group to retrieve the army's medical team and then direct them to the stables. They nodded and ran off. The emperor’s right hand then took the reins of the horse, jumping on and galloping over to the stables.

He waited there, fearing for the worst. He looked over the noble’s features, finding him to be too sickly and weak for his liking. Ferdinand, in his eyes, was a strong, proud man, and this state not do him justice.

He only hoped the healers were close. Though once a man defined purely by his cynicism, the object of his affections had influenced him for the better.

Once the group, led by Mercedes, arrived, a sigh of relief passed through him. The sigh soon turned sour, and he found that his gloves had become stained with blood from covering his mouth. He crushed the subsequent full red chrysanthemum blossom in his palm.

A few hours passed, and Hubert was allowed to enter the infirmary where they had moved Ferdinand. His breathing was slow and rhythmic, and Hubert had never been closer to tears.

He walked towards his dear, once reluctant friend, and took his hand into his own new set of gloves.

It was then that he made a silent vow to protect Ferdinand until his very last breath. He later wrote as such in his journal. But in that quiet moment, where the infirmary bed held both of their weights, he could revel in both of them being alive.

\- -  
Whilst recovering, Hubert paid Ferdinand frequent visits. One particular afternoon, he arrived to Ferdinand attempting to put his hair in a ponytail-like fashion. He clearly was failing miserably.

“Oh, Hubert! How kind of you to stop by!” Ferdinand cheerily began. Gods, Hubert thought, how can he be so unendingly bright?

( _Your joyous smile is absolutely enchanting,_ he later scribbled. _I fear that nothing short of the sun is as radiant. I could look at it all day, even if it meant damaging my eyes._

The yellow tulip that subsequently followed was of no surprise.)

“It seemed prudent to inform you of our discussions… will you please stop fiddling with your hair?” Hubert interrupted himself at the sight of the cavalier’s increasingly frustrating efforts.

“I apologize, but it is quite warm in here.” At this, Hubert had a brilliant idea.

“I am happy to braid your hair to lessen its irritation,” he offered. Ferdinand’s eyes widened, a blush soon accompanying it.

“That would be… wonderful,” Ferdinand slowly replied. Following this, Hubert soon got to work, finding a comb on the bedside table and parting the hair into three sections. He took off his gloves and began delicately weaving the hair, tenderly smoothing the locks and appreciating their soft texture. Hubert noted that his companion seemed to take great care of his hair.

“You seem well-versed in the art of styling hair,” the red-head noted.

“Yes, well. When you take care of her Majesty for so many years, such things become second nature,” Hubert replied. “Your hair is quite… well-kept,” he awkwardly added. At this, Ferdinand’s blush increased, still not used to receiving compliments from the emperor’s right hand.

“Thank you… in all honesty, I had not meant to grow it out, but it seemed like a hassle to maintain a short length,” Ferdinand admitted.

“To each their own, I suppose.” A comfortable silence fell upon them. It was after Hubert finished, placing the completed braid on his friend’s left side, that Ferdinand’s eyes fell upon the dark mage’s hands. He took them into his own and felt for the scars that adorned his opposite’s pale skin.

“Those scars look painful,” Ferdinand stated after a long moment. Hubert drew in a harsh breath; nobody had ever touched them. “How much have you endured?” the younger man softly questioned, eyes glassy.

“I must take on this pain so her vision can be fulfilled,” he said with an unbridled intensity. “It matters not what I feel in the moment.”

“Is this why you wear gloves? To hide this from us?” Ferdinand began demanding. “Edelgard would not be pleased to learn of this.”

“Don't be so naive. Regardless, it matters not! I stain my hands red so hers stay cleaner than mine. I do the same for you.” Hubert curtly replied, frustration beginning to surface through the tone of his voice.

“I want to carry this burden together! Oh, Hubert, please don’t keep everything to yourself! Don’t put everything on your shoulders, it’s too much for my heart to take.”

Hubert didn’t want to hurt the noble more than necessary. He supposed, however, that he would be out of the picture soon enough, and Ferdinand may be exposed to the darkness that lingers around every corner.

“I will not allow your heart to darken; not while I can still guard you from the true evil of the world.” Ferdinand huffed and shifted, pulling his hands away from Hubert’s. The air around them grew cold and uncomfortable.

“Since you will not listen to me, I request that you leave,” The redhead shakily stated. It was clear this request greatly pained the younger man, but Hubert would not waver from his stance.

“As you wish.” And with that, Hubert exited the room, eyes burning more than he wished they would.

( _I’m sorry to argue against sharing the truth about the shadows, yet eventually leave the burden of fighting them to you,_ he furiously wrote after strolling over to the empty library. _I_ _hope you can learn to forgive me, even after I am no longer with you._ )

\- -

It was after this that Hubert began to avoid Ferdinand. He surmised that it would be better to save his friend the pain of further arguing than continue to irritate him with his unchanging stance.

His avoidance did not go unnoticed by his fellow strike force members. They did not ask Hubert directly, though, as it was clear that he would not share. The long looks, especially from Dorothea, however, signaled that they were close to an intervention.

Their concern was amplified when it became clear that Hubert was getting paler by the day. Although when questioned, he would blame his complexion on the increasing number of war council meetings, subsequently increasing his time indoors, some saw through his lies.

The one who called him out on it was the person he wished to not distract most.

Edelgard.

“Hubert, after this meeting, may I speak with you in my quarters?” Edelgard asked. However, they both knew this was not a request, but rather a command.

“I would be happy to oblige, Your Majesty,” Hubert replied.

They both walked towards her bedroom, with Hubert planning his possible replies to her questions along the way. Once they arrived, Edelgard quickly shut the door and looked at him straight in the eyes. “What is going on with you and Ferdinand?” She all but demanded.

 _Ah,_ he noted, _it seems they chose her to intervene._

“As I told you, Your Majesty, I will keep some things to myself.” He smartly replied.

“I implore you to share this with me; I’m worried about you, Hubert.” The blatant concern in her eyes made him rethink his stance. “You don’t seem as healthy as you were a few months ago. You are moving slower on the battlefield. Your work, although still virtually flawless, seems more haphazard than usual.” At these statements, Hubert shifted uncomfortably, upset that his worsening condition was noticeably affecting his work.

“Is this all due to whatever is causing a rift between you and Ferdinand? I thought you two had become rather close.” And with the mention of the object of his affections, Hubert began to cough uncontrollably. Edelgard’s eyes widened, and she rested her hand on his back to comfort him through his attack. A single purple hyacinth fell onto his tongue, and he had no choice but to spit it onto the floor.

The wave of silence that washed over them was telling. The emperor’s eyes shifted from the flower, to her companion, and back again, as if in utter disbelief and horror.

“It seems as though I may not see this war through, Your Majesty. I apologize from the bottom of my heart.” She then tackled him into an unexpected embrace, and he could feel her quivering in his arms.

“Oh, Hubert. Why did you not inform me of this sooner? Why have you not told him yet?” The fact that she figured out who he longed for so quickly made him chuckle despite the current emotions swelling through his chest. He hadn’t wished to place this terrible burden of knowledge upon her.

“You know why. I am far too tainted to partake in such things. You know Ferdinand; optimistic to a fault, always seeing the best in others; he deserves someone as wonderful as him.”

“Have you ever considered that you are just what he needs? That you are just as deserving and wonderful?” She seemed almost angry that he believed such negative things about himself. “We don’t want to lose you, Hubert.”

“There is nothing to be done.”

\- -

Edelgard, soon after their discussion, commanded that he make amends with Ferdinand. He begrudgingly conceded, and stalked over to Ferdinand’s quarters. He rapidly knocked on the door, finding Ferdinand in front of his face only seconds later.

“Hubert, what are you doing here?” Ferdinand questioned, surprise clearly evident in his voice.

“I came to apologize for our argument the other day. I did not mean to rile you up so much. I hope we can move past it.” He finished speaking once satisfied with his apology.

Ferdinand softly smiled and nodded. “I feel the same,” he replied. A few moments later, he seemed to come to a decision.

He asked Hubert if he would be interested in drinking tea (as he possessed no coffee currently) in his room, as Dorothea had originally planned to visit, but canceled because she forgot about a prior commitment. Hubert obliged and strolled into the room, still in a state of shock over how different his day had gone than expected.

“What do you plan to do after the war, Hubert?” Ferdinand questioned after they sat down. He picked up his teacup and began to sip the contents, intently keeping eye contact with his companion.

‘ _I’m not sure there will be an ‘after’, I’m afraid._ “Serve her Majesty, of course. There are many issues still plaguing this continent outside of the ones we are contending with at this current moment.” He stated this as if observing that the sky is blue. For most of his life, there had been nothing but her. Things were so different now.

“I hope to do much the same, but that is not what I was truly asking. What are your goals outside of your duty and work? You’ve been so wholly devoted, that I am curious to what your heart desires.”

 _Oh,_ Hubert mused, _if only he knew_.

_I usually live for irony, but this feels wrong._

“I... have not placed much thought into such things. I have only focused on the objectives of the state,” he slowly explained, heart rapidly beating. Though not entirely untrue, it left a bitter taste in his mouth to omit so much.

At this, Ferdinand looked toward the window, gently placing his cup down on the table. A sad mask fell over his face, one that was foreign to Hubert’s eyes. Although it stirred his heart to see how devastatingly dashing he looked, it felt entirely wrong to be placed on a man who was usually the most upbeat of their group. “I see. I guess you’re right in that things such as romance seem trivial in the light of war. I apologize for coming off as selfish.”

 _I am a complete and utter dolt._ “There is no need to. I am just not the type of person that looks toward the future, I suppose. Truly, what do you wish for?”

Ferdinand’s cheeks were suddenly dusted with pink. He made eye contact with Hubert once again, but quickly switched to the floor. “I suppose that… what would make me most happy... would be to continue partaking in tea and the like with you. Does that sound… not entirely unpleasant?”

Hubert’s heart did I large flip, and he indulged in a small smile. Ferdinand made what sounded like a choking noise. “That sounds wonderful.”

(Later that night, Hubert wrote down in his journal that all he wished for was to continue their tea times from dawn till dusk, reveling in the warm air that surrounded them as they shared their ambitions and spoke more openly than they had in years.

It only made sense that he woke up in the morning to a set of primrose flowers, almost as if they were gathering to make the likes of a bouquet.)

\- -

It was soon after that things came to a head. He had found great difficulty in getting out of bed that morning, following the events of overtaking Arianrhod. Although her Majesty had implored him to sit out the battle, he did not listen.

It felt as though he had used up what remaining strength he had left.

He did his best to stumble over to the dining hall, hoping that a meal would make him feel slightly less weak. He ran into a few people, due to the difficulty he was finding in keeping his eyes open.

It was after stumbling into Ferdinand, who caught him from tripping, that he ceased his efforts. The earnest man looked at him as though he was one step away from death. _Not entirely untrue,_ Hubert supposed.

“Hubert, you look extremely unwell. Do you need -” his concerned speech was cut off by Hubert choking and falling unconscious, only avoiding the pavement due to Ferdinand’s tight grip.

The scream that erupted from the younger man could be heard throughout the entirety of Garreg Mach.

\- -

Hubert later woke up to the sight of Ferdinand reading in a chair, tear-streaks staining his usually joyful face. He looked around the room to find that he was in the infirmary, with only his redhead companion present.

Upon closer inspection, the dark mage discovered what Ferdinand was reading.

His journal.

This caused an immediate panic to surge through his body. He swiftly moved in an attempt to take the notebook from Ferdinand. The noble’s tight grip, however, prevented him from doing so.

They made eye contact, and Ferdinand let out an intense sob.

“You were dying, and you didn’t even tell me,” he cried. “Do you trust me so little?”

“I never wished to burden you with this,” Hubert said in an attempt to appease him. “The last thing I wanted was your pity.”

“You were going to leave me to live a life alone! Didn’t I tell you I wanted nothing less than to spend my days with you?” Ferdinand sobbed. “You say it’s some selfless thing, to not ‘burden’ me with your feelings, but what you were really doing was damning me to a life full of regret! You expect me to read this journal, and feel complete and utter impassivity? There's nothing more selfish.”

Hubert was shocked beyond comprehension. He could no longer keep his calm facade.

“I never wanted you to read it! Everything in there is utterly embarrassing. You deserve so much better than a man who has done so many terrible deeds.” Hubert was all but begging. Ferdinand moved his hands towards Hubert's face, eyes determined and glimmering.

“But it is that man, one who has faced great adversity and hardship and come out stronger, that my heart longs for. It is he, who has served his country in the way only he could, that I admire. And it is he, possessing a brilliant mind, that I trust most in this world, with both my heart and my future.” Hubert’s heart skipped several beats in that moment.

“I love you. You make me irrevocably happy, my dearest Hubert. Please don’t go.”

And with that request, Hubert’s lungs felt clearer than they had in months. It brought him more relief than he had ever felt in his entire life, and his heart had never been so full.

In that moment, a single tear rolled down his cheek.

“I had never wished to, Ferdinand. I love you with my entire being.” Ferdinand let out a loud sob and rushed to embrace him.

They stayed together what seemed like a lifetime, but soon, the intensity of their feelings electrified the air.

They separated only for a moment before crashing their lips together. Ferdinand brushed the stray tear off of Hubert’s face whilst tenderly holding one of his ungloved hands, and Hubert relished in the affection.

He went to hold the back of Ferdinand’s head and pull them closer together, never wanting this moment to end.

(Later, he wrote one final message in the journal before gifting it to Ferdinand. 'You have bewitched me, body and soul,' he fondly noted. 'I wouldn't wish it any other way.')

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please leave kudos (if you want) and a comment letting me know what you thought, as I'm really curious about what people think about my writing style and characterization. I was nervous about whether I was nailing it or not.
> 
> (I really enjoy using whilst, if you couldn't tell. My friends roast me for it.)
> 
> I wanted to post this on time, but I didn't start writing until like 3 pm and I was like welp, gotta give it your best shot. Ya girl tried, okay?
> 
> (Also, yes the last line was a Pride and Prejudice quote, but this is a no-judgement zone, and it just fit them so well!)


End file.
